Arising from the sea came a huge horde of zombies
The invasion began, taking on Covesea flats
Inside the building, they dressed in Fitch and Abercrombie
Demmy led the charge to turn zombies into splats
The invasion began taking on Covesea flats
On the lobby floor was where the battle waged
Demmy led the charge to turn zombies into splats
But they were no match for the relentless rampage
On the lobby floor was where the battle waged
The undead fought hard against broken tables and kegs
But they were no match for the relentless rampage
The waves of zombies were cut down by tablelegs
The undead fought hard against broken tables and kegs
Demmy shouted her rallying cry, "Into the shadows!"
The waves of zombies were cut down by tablelegs
They shaked and shuddered and walked to the windows
Demmy shouted her rallying cry into the shadows,
Inside the building, they dressed in Fitch and Abercrombie
They shaked and shuddered and walked to the windows...
Arising from the sea came a huge horde of zombies
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Silt Grain Trio
Deep deep down in the very depths of the sea
Is a squat pile of rock silt, that moves in groups of three
Some very brainy grain detaches with two friends
And wanders over hills, going ‘round bends
They pip and they holler and make shocking noise
These little silt grains pound their loudest toys
They bash and bang and they clash and clang
With their jingling jammers and their trumpeting tang
Up and down the sea-streets where the gubberfish live
The ‘silt grain trio’ got up to mischief
‘We’re bored!’ cried One.
‘We’re hungry!’ cried Two.
So One made some fun,
And Two stole some food.
‘Come back with my pie,’ grumpy Flub Gubberfish yelled.
‘Stop nicking my pastries with your tangs and your bells!’
The silty boys scarpered like salt in sea breeze
All the way to their hideout in the continental-drift-trees
‘Have some of my pie!’
‘I don’t mind if I do!’
One widened his eyes
At a big slice from Two
Three gave a sad sigh.
‘Hey Three! What’s wrong with you?’
‘It doesn’t excite me at all, my tang is quite bangless,
I don’t like shaking my jammer or robbing the fangless
Both of you silts, One and Two, are crude and rude
And when you sit down to eat, you don’t chew your food.’
‘We can change our ways and be nice to the fishes.’
‘We could bake them some muffins and wash their dishes.’
One and Two each had such a good look on their face,
Three couldn’t keep up with their change of pace
The silt-gang hideout became a ‘help the elderly’ base
Where they organised the bimonthly Gubberfish race
One, ‘What a change of heart!’
Two, ‘We are the real winners,’
‘When we die and depart,
We can ditch the sinners.’
‘Three is quite right, this is our heavenly ticket.’
‘When we kick the bucket, St. Peter can stick it.’
‘Our free pass past the angelic gates.’
‘Good deeds mean we sweeten our fates!’
‘Then with great celestial howls as we jingle our jammers,’
‘And with Jesusy bellows when we crash with our hammers,’
‘We’ll make lots of racket and wake demons in hell...’
‘Running all through the streets and banging our bells.’
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Animal Antics? You'd think so, but you'd be wrong.
There is something whimsical in the way in which humans percieve animals.
There is an instant instinct [an instanct] to anthropomorphise every creature.
From researching cartoons, this involves:
1) All animals must use hind legs for balance and all other limbs as arms. (Unexplainable exception: Elephants.)
2) All animals must wear some form of clothing. Pants are usually not necessary. The bounds of a logical mind cannot accept jeans that fit a duck. (Again, elephants not included in this rule)
3) All animals must have some incredible superpower that is perfectly acceptable because they are animals. (Pretty sure elephants would flaunt this rule as if it were a bag of peanuts poking precociously from an unwary jacket pocket). But importantly, is completely made up.
Chameleons don't change colour to blend in with their surroundings.
That is quite disappointing news.
Ostriches have never stuck their heads in sand to avoid danger.
Never.
Not even one ostrich has done it once.
Opossums don't hang off branches using their tails.
To summarise, animals are far less interesting than anyone wants to believe.
To put this summary another way, people make animals far more entertaining than they actually are.
Apart from Barbar. That elephant conforms to my hyptothesises in ways that make me feel uncomfortable. That is a weird green suit, Mr. Barbar.
Also, on an unrelated note, taking light-shades off every bulb in a room makes you feel naked. Through some strange visual perception transpatial over-identification, I believe.
Finally, on a positive note, touching a baby bird won't cover it in some strange cursed human scent that forces it to be rejected by its mother.
There is an instant instinct [an instanct] to anthropomorphise every creature.
From researching cartoons, this involves:
1) All animals must use hind legs for balance and all other limbs as arms. (Unexplainable exception: Elephants.)
2) All animals must wear some form of clothing. Pants are usually not necessary. The bounds of a logical mind cannot accept jeans that fit a duck. (Again, elephants not included in this rule)
3) All animals must have some incredible superpower that is perfectly acceptable because they are animals. (Pretty sure elephants would flaunt this rule as if it were a bag of peanuts poking precociously from an unwary jacket pocket). But importantly, is completely made up.
Chameleons don't change colour to blend in with their surroundings.
That is quite disappointing news.
Ostriches have never stuck their heads in sand to avoid danger.
Never.
Not even one ostrich has done it once.
Opossums don't hang off branches using their tails.
To summarise, animals are far less interesting than anyone wants to believe.
To put this summary another way, people make animals far more entertaining than they actually are.
Apart from Barbar. That elephant conforms to my hyptothesises in ways that make me feel uncomfortable. That is a weird green suit, Mr. Barbar.
Also, on an unrelated note, taking light-shades off every bulb in a room makes you feel naked. Through some strange visual perception transpatial over-identification, I believe.
Finally, on a positive note, touching a baby bird won't cover it in some strange cursed human scent that forces it to be rejected by its mother.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Balloon.
Want to see a balloon flying away in the wind.
Would you like to see it now? I will draw it right now, right here:
Q
It's flying away to somewhere up and left. Australia maybe. Singapore? Germany, perhaps.
Mein Balloon fliegt nach Deutschland. Aber ist nicht neunundneunzig.
After it flies past the northern hemisphere, it will continue up and left, and go past the moon.
It will look like this:
__O <Moon [Not to scale]
____Q <Balloon [Extremely to scale]
Then it will fly away past the moon and into the stars.
And it will look like this:
____.____._
___._______..________
_______.________._____.
___________Q_______
Would you like to see it now? I will draw it right now, right here:
Q
It's flying away to somewhere up and left. Australia maybe. Singapore? Germany, perhaps.
Mein Balloon fliegt nach Deutschland. Aber ist nicht neunundneunzig.
After it flies past the northern hemisphere, it will continue up and left, and go past the moon.
It will look like this:
__O <Moon [Not to scale]
____Q <Balloon [Extremely to scale]
Then it will fly away past the moon and into the stars.
And it will look like this:
____.____._
___._______..________
_______.________._____.
___________Q_______
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The best exam ever.
How are you?
It's a nice question, the how are you. It allows for great scope and breadth in its answer. This means that the answer is often only one word.
If someone wrote down "how are you" as the only question in an exam, then there would be a riot of students storming the buildings like it was a windmill in Frankenstein.
I think I would give up a kidney to read the answers that students submitted.
What I would submit:
EXAM:
Question One (Worth 100%... ahahahahahaaa!): How are you?
Did you know that recent estimates put the number of galaxies in the universe at around two hundred billion?
I can't even begin to fathom how large one galaxy is. (I can't even fathom it in fathoms.)
The fact is, I can't even comprehend the size of the solar system that we are in.
And when it comes down to it, I am entirely unable to wrap my mind around how fast a Boeing 747 can fly.
That plane can travel at over one thousand kilometres per hour.
To reach the edge of our solar system, I would have to fly that plane for well over three million years.
When I got to the edge of the solar system, our sun wouldn't even be the brightest star visible.
It would be lost in a mess of three hundred billion stars that shine in our galaxy.
Then to go on ( I am glad I brought a picnic), to travel to the edge of the galaxy in my plane, that would take a certain number of years.
It would take an even bigger number of seconds.
I can make this number is an insignificant number. I can make this number the smallest, most irrelevant number, there is.
By comparing it to the probability of my life existing.
So let me tell you how I am.
I am fantastic.
How are you?
It's a nice question, the how are you. It allows for great scope and breadth in its answer. This means that the answer is often only one word.
If someone wrote down "how are you" as the only question in an exam, then there would be a riot of students storming the buildings like it was a windmill in Frankenstein.
I think I would give up a kidney to read the answers that students submitted.
What I would submit:
EXAM:
Question One (Worth 100%... ahahahahahaaa!): How are you?
Did you know that recent estimates put the number of galaxies in the universe at around two hundred billion?
I can't even begin to fathom how large one galaxy is. (I can't even fathom it in fathoms.)
The fact is, I can't even comprehend the size of the solar system that we are in.
And when it comes down to it, I am entirely unable to wrap my mind around how fast a Boeing 747 can fly.
That plane can travel at over one thousand kilometres per hour.
To reach the edge of our solar system, I would have to fly that plane for well over three million years.
When I got to the edge of the solar system, our sun wouldn't even be the brightest star visible.
It would be lost in a mess of three hundred billion stars that shine in our galaxy.
Then to go on ( I am glad I brought a picnic), to travel to the edge of the galaxy in my plane, that would take a certain number of years.
It would take an even bigger number of seconds.
I can make this number is an insignificant number. I can make this number the smallest, most irrelevant number, there is.
By comparing it to the probability of my life existing.
So let me tell you how I am.
I am fantastic.
How are you?
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